mallwalking: the trend that should be sweeping the nation

by Hammie Fay

Is Nick Jonas the new Usher? All white everything the new black? Nigella the new chia? Is two the new one? The year is 2015 and the future is now. Mallwalking is the workout you need in your life.

Imagine hiking indoors without any incline or bugs and surrounded by the sweet scent of soft salted pretzels. I dare you to find something wrong with that sentence.

I contacted a mall walker I found on the world wide web for her take on the workout trend that is not quite sweeping the nation.

ME: So how did you get involved in the mall walk movement?

MALLWALKER: Well it was kind of on accident really. I went out to a shopping mall one day and slowly started to realize, I didn’t actually need anything. I don’t enjoy giving the appearance that I am doing something without purpose, so instead of turning around empty handed…I just…kept…walking.

ME: Wow, interesting. How often would you say you go mall walking?

MALLWALKER: I try to go at least every other day. On Fridays I reward myself with an Orange Julius.

ME: What’s your routine like?

MALLWALKER
: Well, I never go mall walking without my skechers shapeups. I know I’ve heard some lies about them being ineffective but it is my goal in life to look like the coolest Demi Lovato fan in all of America.

ME: Do you mall walk alone or with a group?

MALLWALKER: Mostly alone. I have a great group of internet friends though and sometimes I chat with them online while I walk the mall.

ME
: Are your internet friends also mall walkers?


MALLWALKER
: OH HELL YA. I met them on a Facebook group called “mall walk america,” I even met my fiancé in the group!

After learning that mall walking was also a great way to meet a spouse I charged to my local mall and IMMEDIATELY got to walking.

I wore my freshest skechers and my most secure fanny pack so all the other mall walk buffs knew I meant business. The rest of the morning was a blur partly due to excitement but mostly due to xanax. However, I did leave with the phone number to the cutest employee at Auntie Anne’s and a newfound appreciation for the human body and all of its wonders.

Learn more about the art of Mallwalking from the folks with their finger on the pulse at Mallwalk America

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